TAX NEWS - 2010

Australia Tax Avoidance: No place for tax avoidance

Taxpayers of Australia, this year, as you undertake the tedious task of completing your tax return, spare a thought for the less fortunate - spare a thought for we tax collectors of Australia.

You don't look forward to tax time? Neither do I. The difference is that while for you tax time comes but once a year, for me it's every day. Imagine a tax time that never ends - and shudder!

You find tax dull? At least when you're doing your own tax return, simply wondering whether you'll get a refund can raise the interest level a degree or two above boring. Looking at other people's tax returns - now that's virtually a definition of boring. And the more you look at, the more boring it gets.

Do you sometimes feel you're working for the tax man? I work for him both figuratively and literally. My taxes pay my salary: not only do we not get a staff discount or a cut of the proceeds, in effect, I pay the tax commissioner for the privilege of working for him.

But didn't I choose to become a tax collector? It's more accurate to say: "Owing to a series of very poor choices, I ended up in a situation so bad that becoming a tax collector seemed my best option." Imagine how desperate you would need to be to make such a choice.

The Tax Office fancies itself an "employer of choice". But it's closer to the truth to describe it as an "employer of last resort". It's a place where careers go to die, or after they've died. There are exceptions, of course. I'm not claiming to be one, but on the whole, it is a palliative care hospice for careers, a morgue for hopes, a cemetery for dreams.

Have you ever heard of a child who dreams of being a tax collector one day? Neither have I. Every tax collector (from the commissioner down) was once a little boy or girl who dreamt of being something other than a tax collector when he or she grew up.

So why don't I quit? Because doing so is pointless. The worst thing about being a tax collector, apart from the social stigma and the self-loathing, is knowing you can never say a fond final farewell to the commissioner. I can change the nature of our relationship, but I can't end it. I can go from being like an unhappy spouse who receives a modest allowance to being like an ex-spouse who has to pay alimony. If I were to bid him, "Goodbye", he'd respond with a cheery "See you next tax time."

Which reminds me: let me be the first to wish you a happy new tax year (and many happy tax returns).